— Justin Boatner
There is a silent tragedy unfolding for people with disabilities, and it happens at the intersection of a birthday and a policy. We call it Age Disparity Depression.
It’s the “curse” of reaching 18, 21, or 26. To the rest of the world, these are milestones of freedom. To us, they are the moments our support systems—the very foundations of our lives—disappear in a blink of an eye.
Growing up, the structure of public school isn’t just about education; it’s our breathing room. It’s a controlled environment where we are surrounded by people just like ourselves. It’s where we form friendships that feel less like “peers” and more like blood.
Teachers and staff often say, “We spend more time with you than you spend with your family.” That is a reality that sticks. Teachers become friends. Assistants become brothers and sisters. But the moment the clock strikes midnight on that 18th or 21st birthday, the cliff appears.
It feels like being strapped into your wheelchair and shoved off a precipice that has no bottom.
Society thinks of leaving us behind. The institutions that held us up and gave us purpose vanish, leaving nothing but a pit of loneliness. We are left to:
We are still breathing. We still have feelings. We still remember. Even those of us who are non-verbal feel the depression building up inside as the faces we’ve seen every day for a decade suddenly vanish.
When society talks about “transitioning,” they talk about paperwork. They don’t talk about people. When we try to recreate these support systems later, they are always flawed. They don’t have what we need because they weren’t built on the history of growing up together.
The frustration comes from losing a support system that gave us a reason to get up in the morning.
How do we conquer Age Disparity Depression? We stop looking at 21 as an expiration date and start looking at it as a continuation.
1. Roommates, Not Residents
In Virginia and beyond, we are seeing shifts. Why should a “Peer Buddy” relationship end at high school? We should be asking: Why can’t that friendship continue? We need to support people with disabilities in having their own roommates—perhaps those very same friends or buddies from school. When we build a support system outside of the school walls that stays up no matter what, we create an effortless transition.
2. Expanding the Age of Support
There have been measures in Congress to expand the age of public school eligibility past 21 or 22—even up to 35. These measures were shot down, but we must ask: Why not?
If a rigid support system is what keeps a human being from falling into a life-threatening depression, why are we so quick to pull it away? Expanding the age of support isn’t about “staying a kid”; it’s about maintaining the human connections that give us life.
Age Disparity Depression is real because the loss is real. We cannot go back into the past, but we can stop the cycle of isolation. We need a support system that doesn’t expire. We need our friends. We need our purpose.
We are still here. It’s time society stopped moving the cliff and started building the bridge
As a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization, The Arc of Northern Virginia relies on private support from individuals, corporations, organizations, and foundations to fund our efforts. Your generous donations help make it possible for us to provide programs, services, and advocacy so that people with IDD can live “A Life Like Yours.”
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