​Age vs. Agency: Redefining How We Approach IDD Interactions

— Justin Boatner

Why do people with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities (IDD) often require a different approach to interaction, learning, and socialization? To an outsider, it might look like a “child-like” approach is being used, but the reality is far more sophisticated than just an age number.

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The “Why” Behind the Media

​You might see a 40-year-old with an intellectual disability watching Bluey, SpongeBob, or Mickey Mouse. There are two main reasons for this that people often overlook:

1. ​Cognitive Alignment: An individual’s chronological age is 40, but their cognitive processing may align with a 2-to-5-year-old. They engage with these shows because the storytelling matches their pace of understanding.
2. ​Sensory Stimulation: It’s not always about the plot. Many children’s shows are designed with vibrant colors and specific frequencies of sound. For someone with sensory needs, the show acts as a tool for “stimming” or mental regulation. They aren’t just “watching a cartoon”; they are managing their internal environment.

​The “Age” Trap: Processing vs. Identity

​When a diagnostician says a loved one is “intellectually at the age of three,” it is a description of how they process some types of information, not a label of who they are.

​Processing like a child does not make someone a toddler.

​Intelligence is vast. Someone might process language similar to the way a typically developing three-year-old does, but possess incredible spatial intelligence or tactile skills that far exceed “typical” adults. We have to separate how someone learns from who they are as a human being.

​The Architecture of Accommodation

​Think of how a visually impaired person navigates via touch. For the IDD community, navigation is just as specialized, but with “more components moving in multiple directions.”

​If the current method of communication isn’t working, the burden is on the world to accommodate:

• ​Visual Learners: Use pictures and icons to bridge the gap.
• ​Tactile Learners: Create physical, hands-on activities to ground the concept.
• ​Meeting the Level: If someone doesn’t understand, you don’t give up—you get on their level and explain it in a way that makes sense to their brain.

​The Golden Rule: Ask, Don’t Assume

​How should you interact with us? It’s simpler than you think: Start the conversation with the individual.

​As someone who uses an AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) device, I have a very specific set of “rules” for my interactions:

1. ​Speak clearly.
2. ​Check the screen: My AAC device has a display for a reason—look at it.
3. ​The “Adult” Standard: Never talk to me like a child unless I (or my caregiver) explicitly say that is the required approach for that moment.

​The Bottom Line

​We all require a different approach to care because our brains are wired differently. The most “unique” thing you can do is stop assuming and start listening—to us and to those who know us best